I have never been in a relationship. But that doesn't mean I've never had "boy trouble." In fact, the desire for a relationship is something that has caused quite a few unnecessary emotional problems for me. Ever since I can remember, from as young as the age of five, I have always been interested in boys. I actually don't think there has been a time in my life that I didn't have a crush on somebody. Of course, as a kid it's all just in good fun; but when I reached middle school and high school I actually began to give my emotions away. Whenever a guy would start to show interest in me, or seemed to care, my heart got ahead of my brain and I would just pour out my heart to them. I would trust them with my emotions, and when it didn't end well (as no fourteen year old romance ever does), I was left with a wounded heart.
I never did the smart thing in these situations though, which would be to turn to the Lord. I would just turn to the next boy who seemed interested in caring for my emotions. So even though none of these infatuations were anything close to an actual "relationship," they were enough to leave my heart tattered in the end, and my emotions vulnerable.
Since coming to Youth With A Mission this past Spring, I have learned so much that I never even thought of before, and one prime example is that I've learned how to hear and recognize the voice of the Lord. Throughout my DTS, He has just been revealing so many levels of His love to me. When I got here, I knew that an area of my life I needed to surrender to Him was relationship. Because of my strong desire for one, it was so much easier said than done. But several weeks ago, one of our speakers told a story of how God provided a ring for his wife, because "she is His princess and a princess deserves her jewels." After that lesson I asked the Lord to give me a ring; but not just for the sake of having a ring, I wanted it to symbolize a promise! I wanted a symbol that would remind me that I am the Lord's, He is my one and only love, and only He holds my heart. Now, when a guy proposes to a girl, the girl doesn't just go drive herself to the store and buy the ring herself! I wanted it to come from Him. That way I would NEVER forget what it means! One day I was really struggling with that desire for relationship, and I said to the Lord, "God, I wish you would give me that ring already! That way whenever I look at it I could remember my promise to You. That would make things so much easier." Then, as gentle as could be, I heard Him reply, "I haven't given it to you yet because you still aren't fully mine." What a wake-up call that was! It was then that I had realized - my thinking was totally backwards! A guy doesn't "put a ring on it" if he knows that girl is still running around with other guys. He proposes when he knows they're both committed and ready to start their adventure together. The Lord doesn't want to give me a ring in hopes that I'll look at it and remember His love, He wants to give me the ring when He knows I am already fully His. It was that day that I realized, I don't need another relationship, I already have the best relationship with the biggest romantic there is! And He is the only Love that will never let me down, and the only one that can truly satisfy my desires.
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