Update From Marion, Iowa!

Hey Everyone! 

So it's been a while since I posted, and I thought I'd give you all a quick update! We started off stateside in Seymour, Indiana (it was a blast!) and are currently in Marion, Iowa for the next few days! Stateside has been super fun so far, and I can't wait to see how God uses us to work with this next youth group. 

On a different note, I have some super exciting news! As of last night we have officially raised all of our funds for Peru!!! Praise The Lord! It's been so incredible to watch The Lord provide, and I want to thank everyone who helped support our trip. Without the funds we wouldn't make it to Peru this summer, so you all are just as much a part of what The Lord will be doing in Iquitos as we are! 

Alright, sorry this was such a short post, but I have to get back to stateside stuff now! (Time to practice our skits one last time!) I will try to update again soon! :) 

The Promise Ring

Alright guys! Here's the other story of how God has been showing me His love these past few weeks. :) (It's actually the testimony I'm planning on sharing during stateside, so as I was typing it out I figured I'd share it with you all too!)

I have never been in a relationship. But that doesn't mean I've never had "boy trouble." In fact, the desire for a relationship is something that has caused quite a few unnecessary emotional problems for me. Ever since I can remember, from as young as the age of five, I have always been interested in boys. I actually don't think there has been a time in my life that I didn't have a crush on somebody. Of course, as a kid it's all just in good fun; but when I reached middle school and high school I actually began to give my emotions away. Whenever a guy would start to show interest in me, or seemed to care, my heart got ahead of my brain and I would just pour out my heart to them. I would trust them with my emotions, and when it didn't end well (as no fourteen year old romance ever does), I was left with a wounded heart.

I never did the smart thing in these situations though, which would be to turn to the Lord. I would just turn to the next boy who seemed interested in caring for my emotions. So even though none of these infatuations were anything close to an actual "relationship," they were enough to leave my heart tattered in the end, and my emotions vulnerable. 

Since coming to Youth With A Mission this past Spring, I have learned so much that I never even thought of before, and one prime example is that I've learned how to hear and recognize the voice of the Lord. Throughout my DTS, He has just been revealing so many levels of His love to me. When I got here, I knew that an area of my life I needed to surrender to Him was relationship. Because of my strong desire for one, it was so much easier said than done. But several weeks ago, one of our speakers told a story of how God provided a ring for his wife, because "she is His princess and a princess deserves her jewels." After that lesson I asked the Lord to give me a ring; but not just for the sake of having a ring, I wanted it to symbolize a promise! I wanted a symbol that would remind me that I am the Lord's, He is my one and only love, and only He holds my heart. Now, when a guy proposes to a girl, the girl doesn't just go drive herself to the store and buy the ring herself! I wanted it to come from Him. That way I would NEVER forget what it means! One day I was really struggling with that desire for relationship, and I said to the Lord, "God, I wish you would give me that ring already! That way whenever I look at it I could remember my promise to You. That would make things so much easier." Then, as gentle as could be, I heard Him reply, "I haven't given it to you yet because you still aren't fully mine." What a wake-up call that was! It was then that I had realized - my thinking was totally backwards! A guy doesn't "put a ring on it" if he knows that girl is still running around with other guys. He proposes when he knows they're both committed and ready to start their adventure together. The Lord doesn't want to give me a ring in hopes that I'll look at it and remember His love, He wants to give me the ring when He knows I am already fully His. It was that day that I realized, I don't need another relationship, I already have the best relationship with the biggest romantic there is! And He is the only Love that will never let me down, and the only one that can truly satisfy my desires. 

Oh, How He Loves..

Hey guys! So lecture phase is over and I can't believe it! On Monday we will be starting week twelve, and prepping for stateside. I have no idea where these past eleven weeks went, but they definitely flew by. It's so crazy to think that we're already halfway done with DTS, but I'm SO excited for what's in store for stateside and outreach! Yesterday we learned the Everything drama and practiced it a few times. I have the part of the girl, so I'm super excited and nervous at the same time! I've never really performed anything before, let alone had a main part; but this drama is so incredible and impactful, I can't wait for our team to share it in Peru. We are still raising funds for outreach, and our group total went up another 5% since our last finance check, so now we only have 22% left to raise! It's due by next Friday, so if you would like to pray with us for God's provision in this, it would definitely be appreciated. :)
                                                           
                                                ~

So, it's been a while since I shared with you guys what God has been showing me personally. (This one will probably be a bit lengthy..sorry!) Over these past few weeks God has really been drawing me closer to Him, and it's been great! As I said in one of my earlier posts, I've had trouble in the past with being a good steward of my emotions. I've struggled with insecurities about my body image since I was pretty young; I would guess about eleven or twelve. I always felt big, especially when comparing myself to my friends. Although, looking back at pictures of myself from when I was twelve, I think I must have been crazy. To quote a meme I once found on Pinterest, "I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat." Haha, but anyway, I've always had a hard time accepting my body the way it is, and I never really felt like I was anything worth being noticed. So, whenever I would actually receive attention from a guy, (as Dean Sherman would say) I turned into an "emotional prostitute." It was hard to believe that someone might actually be interested in me; so needless to say, whenever I would receive attention from a guy, I didn't do a good job at guarding my heart. Although, it wasn't always that I needed to guard it from others, but sometimes I needed to guard it from myself. In my own mind and heart, I could be giving away my emotions to others, and they probably didn't even realize it. So throughout these past weeks, I've been struggling with guarding my emotions, and with loving myself the way Jesus loves me. 

In February my mom and I ran a half marathon, and because of that I had lost quite a bit of weight. I had reached my goal of 140 lbs., and felt like I finally looked "the way I should." I still wasn't quite the standard of skinny I would like to be, but I was getting there. Over the eleven weeks of being here in Kentucky it's been really hard to keep a consistent workout schedule. That being said, since I've been here I've gained back everything I lost while I was running, and when I weighed myself a few weeks ago I pretty much lost it. (I was almost upset that I had come here, because if I stayed home I could have kept my workout routine and I would probably be even skinnier by now, instead of back to square one.) Obviously the thoughts going through my mind at this moment were along the lines of "what's wrong with you? That's disgusting. Who would ever like you when you look like this?" I was partially mad at myself for gaining weight, and partially mad because I was getting so upset over something so petty. From that point my brain went into weight-loss mode, and I was gonna do everything I could to lose those pounds in the few weeks I had left until outreach - but then I realized something. In the midst of being so concerned with my body image, I was completely losing sight of everything important! How could I regret coming here for DTS?? Especially over something like this! YWAM has been life changing for me, and I was allowing the lies the enemy had told me through my insecurities to completely distract me from all of that! So after a few weeks of struggling to not cringe every time I see myself in the mirror, or every time I get dressed and my clothes don't fit quite the way I'd like them to anymore, God spoke to me this morning while I was on a walk. As I was thinking to myself "and I figured I'd LOSE weight here, considering I have to walk everywhere.." God said "and who says you needed to lose weight?" As I thought about it, I realized that it was just me. Me and today's society, that is. Then He told me how, to Him, I'm perfect. I am flawless, I am beautiful, and I am loved. He loves me just the way I am, and my true friends do too. They don't care if I've gained a little fluff ;) They love me for ME, not my carcass! Now obviously there is a way to be smart about my weight - it's not like I'm gonna eat quarts of ice cream and a whole sleeve of Oreos every night. But what does matter is my motivation - am I doing it solely to take care of this wonderful body God created, or am I doing it because I'm worried about what others think of me? Am I wanting to be healthy, or attract the wrong kind of attention? 

So that's a glimpse of what God's been speaking to me these past couple weeks! He's really been showing me His love for me, and winning my heart back from the things I had previously given it to. I love getting to fall more in love with Him everyday, and it's always fun to discover what He has in store for the next time! Not only has he begun to strip away the burden of my self-esteem issues, but He's helped me with my "emotional prostitution," and I now understand, in my heart as well as my mind, that He is the only one worth giving my heart to, because He is the only one who can fully be trusted with it. He will never do anything to hurt it, and He is the only one who can and will ALWAYS love me unconditionally. But that's a story I'll probably end up sharing later.. :)

Well, if you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me! Sorry it was so long! (And I sure hope it made sense. My thoughts were a bit scattered! Haha) 

Deputation!

Hey Everyone! Sorry it took me so long to post, this past week has been crazy busy! Two Thursdays ago, on May 29th, I flew home for a few days to meet up with people and talk about what's been going on here at YWAM, let them know what we'll be doing on outreach, and to talk about fundraising for Peru. I loved getting to see my family for a few days and hang out with my little sister! It was so great to get to catch up with my friends too! It was an extremely eventful five days, and it took just about this whole past week to recover and get my energy back - but it was worth it! Before I left for home, my team (totaled together) was 35% of the way to reaching our financial goal. I personally still needed to raise $3,690 for my part. Since I've been back in Kentucky, my class is now 59% of the way to our combined goal, and I personally only have $2,600 left to raise! Our second round of letters made it to their destinations, and in just a short amount of time (about a week) I gained $1,090 for Peru! The Lord is definitely providing for us, and it's so cool to see it happen! We still have a ways to go, but I know that God is faithful and that He will provide the rest of the finances we need to get to Peru!