Relationships with Dean Sherman!

Alrighty guys! 

  So this week we talked about relationships and attractions! We watched videos of Dean Sherman, and it was great. I would highly recommend these videos to everyone in the world. He started off by suggesting that "every problem in the world is a relationship problem." When you stop and think about it, he is absolutely right; and the root of this relationship problem is pride. Why do we have trouble relating to others? Why do we have wars? We either believe that we're superior to others (arrogant pride), or we believe that they're superior to us (inferior pride.) Both of which are lies. Now, he covered so much about relationships, and I would absolutely love to sit here and type out everything I've learned this week! But that would take way too long, and I'm sure there's no way you would have the time or interest to sit and read it all; so I'm just going to tell you guys which part really stood out to me. 

  The lessons weren't all about "romantic" relationships, but it's what we closed the week with, and it's something I've kind've been struggling with lately. We talked about having a "relationship philosophy," and then about "relationship progression." For the relationship philosophy, we talked about how we should 1.) have the right motives, 2.) avoid "dating syndrome," (dating just for the sake of dating) and 3.) that we should give up our rights to sex and marriage. The first two were already obvious to me, but even though I kind've already knew the third one, it really struck me. Giving up the idea of marriage in order to follow God is something I've had a hard time surrendering; even if it is just for this season of my life. I allow myself to believe the lie that if I don't leave time for it, it will never happen. Even though I know it's not true! Dean said that "if we give it up as a right, God can/will give it back later as a privilege." I really liked that. I know God's not going to allow me to be miserable or anything! That's not what He wants for me, He wants me to experience His love. The only true joy comes from Him, and I would never find a fulfilling marriage outside of Him anyway. Then, under relationship progression, Dean talked about how to minimize the chance of getting hurt in "romantic attraction." First, we need to honestly admit to ourselves whether or not we view the relationship as romantic. If you're not sure, Dean gave the perfect example of how to find out - ask yourself how you would feel if that person married someone else. If it's painful to think about, you're romantically attracted to that person. Second, we need to seek the Lord about it. This seems totally obvious, but it's extremely important. We need to seek the Lord and ask whether or not it's a relationship that would glorify Him; don't allow yourself to be in love without seeking God first. Third, make Jesus the Lord of your emotions!!! This is something I have completely failed at. I haven't been a good steward to my emotions. We shouldn't just give out our emotions to anyone who will take them - we need to keep them safely guarded until God gives us the "ok" to go forward with a relationship! Another amazing point that was made was that when we don't allow the Lord to rule our emotions, then our emotions are ruling us. Therefore, we are allowing them to take a higher place in our hearts than God, and that is a form of idolatry. I had never thought of it that way, so I thought that was a really great point! Fourth, we need to communicate the relationship to an objective person. When we're in a relationship, our vision gets extremely clouded, and others can see issues that we can't. It's really important to have that advice from someone who is not emotionally involved in this relationship. Finally, communicate to your parter. Notice that this is the LAST step! Until you have sought the Lord, gotten the ok, and talked it over with your objective person, do not tell this certain guy/girl how you feel! Now, when communicating with this certain someone, make sure the timing is right. If you do it too soon, you could freak them out; but if you wait too long you could just be leading that other person on. Then after you've communicated, and if you're both on the same page, continue communicating! Don't allow your emotions to go past what has already been communicated between the two of you. You don't want to get too far into it emotionally if the other person isn't on the same page. 

So that's what I've been working on this week! We need to determine to please God in our relationships, and not just romantic relationships, but in our friendships too. :)