Peru!

Boy, does the time fly! It's already been two months since my last post, and since then I've been to Peru and back! After stateside in Iowa, our first flight to Peru was out of the Chicago O'Hare airport, so we headed for Illinois! We flew from Chicago to Lima, then from Lima to Iquitos. We were all so excited when we finally made it! We took a (wooden) bus form the airport to the YWAM base that was hosting us, and we got settled in. Those next six weeks were some of the most difficult, but also the most amazing weeks I've ever been through. There are so many wonderful stories, and I wish I could type every single one of them out for you! The Lord really used the time in Peru to work in my life, and to help me work through some things in my heart. This outreach was definitely a time of personal growth for me! One huge area was in the area of trusting the Lord, and it played out when it came to house visits/evangelism. I am a pretty shy person, and I don't really like talking to people I don't know. So going up to someone's house, being invited in, and then sitting there uncomfortably while I try to think of what I'm going to say next, was not my favorite thing to do. Needless to say, I did not always have the best attitude when we would head out to do house visits, and I would usually just sit back and let everyone else do the talking. I knew that wasn't right, though. I mean, the whole reason I was in Peru was to share with people about what the Lord has done in my life, and how can I do that when I never say anything?? I was just always afraid that I wouldn't know what to say, and I wasn't trusting that the Lord would give me the words. Until one day, during the week we spent out in communities on the river, we were getting ready to walk throughout the community and do house visits. We stopped at the first house, and there was an elderly lady sitting on the floor. Her name was Juana, and she couldn't speak, so we had to ask "yes" or "no" questions. Then my leader, Kristen, suggested that I share my testimony with her. I was so nervous! I never really share my "salvation testimony," but I felt like that was the story I was suppose to share. I did not expect it to come out smoothly, and I wasn't sure if it would even make sense by the end, but I started sharing it anyway. That was the first time that I had spoken out like that during ministry, and the Lord was definitely guiding me in what to say! I have never told a testimony that smoothly, and the farther I got into the story, the more confident I became. That was just the beginning of one of my favorite days from outreach! The Lord really used that day to teach me to lean into Him and trust Him to meet me in the moments when I feel like I don't know what to say. We got to see people come to know the Lord, and it was really cool knowing that God used me to help make it happen. 

Even though it's nice to be back at home, it's still really weird to think that I'm not only already done with outreach, but that I've finished my DTS! It came and went so quickly, it's insane. I miss my YWAM family!

Update From Marion, Iowa!

Hey Everyone! 

So it's been a while since I posted, and I thought I'd give you all a quick update! We started off stateside in Seymour, Indiana (it was a blast!) and are currently in Marion, Iowa for the next few days! Stateside has been super fun so far, and I can't wait to see how God uses us to work with this next youth group. 

On a different note, I have some super exciting news! As of last night we have officially raised all of our funds for Peru!!! Praise The Lord! It's been so incredible to watch The Lord provide, and I want to thank everyone who helped support our trip. Without the funds we wouldn't make it to Peru this summer, so you all are just as much a part of what The Lord will be doing in Iquitos as we are! 

Alright, sorry this was such a short post, but I have to get back to stateside stuff now! (Time to practice our skits one last time!) I will try to update again soon! :) 

The Promise Ring

Alright guys! Here's the other story of how God has been showing me His love these past few weeks. :) (It's actually the testimony I'm planning on sharing during stateside, so as I was typing it out I figured I'd share it with you all too!)

I have never been in a relationship. But that doesn't mean I've never had "boy trouble." In fact, the desire for a relationship is something that has caused quite a few unnecessary emotional problems for me. Ever since I can remember, from as young as the age of five, I have always been interested in boys. I actually don't think there has been a time in my life that I didn't have a crush on somebody. Of course, as a kid it's all just in good fun; but when I reached middle school and high school I actually began to give my emotions away. Whenever a guy would start to show interest in me, or seemed to care, my heart got ahead of my brain and I would just pour out my heart to them. I would trust them with my emotions, and when it didn't end well (as no fourteen year old romance ever does), I was left with a wounded heart.

I never did the smart thing in these situations though, which would be to turn to the Lord. I would just turn to the next boy who seemed interested in caring for my emotions. So even though none of these infatuations were anything close to an actual "relationship," they were enough to leave my heart tattered in the end, and my emotions vulnerable. 

Since coming to Youth With A Mission this past Spring, I have learned so much that I never even thought of before, and one prime example is that I've learned how to hear and recognize the voice of the Lord. Throughout my DTS, He has just been revealing so many levels of His love to me. When I got here, I knew that an area of my life I needed to surrender to Him was relationship. Because of my strong desire for one, it was so much easier said than done. But several weeks ago, one of our speakers told a story of how God provided a ring for his wife, because "she is His princess and a princess deserves her jewels." After that lesson I asked the Lord to give me a ring; but not just for the sake of having a ring, I wanted it to symbolize a promise! I wanted a symbol that would remind me that I am the Lord's, He is my one and only love, and only He holds my heart. Now, when a guy proposes to a girl, the girl doesn't just go drive herself to the store and buy the ring herself! I wanted it to come from Him. That way I would NEVER forget what it means! One day I was really struggling with that desire for relationship, and I said to the Lord, "God, I wish you would give me that ring already! That way whenever I look at it I could remember my promise to You. That would make things so much easier." Then, as gentle as could be, I heard Him reply, "I haven't given it to you yet because you still aren't fully mine." What a wake-up call that was! It was then that I had realized - my thinking was totally backwards! A guy doesn't "put a ring on it" if he knows that girl is still running around with other guys. He proposes when he knows they're both committed and ready to start their adventure together. The Lord doesn't want to give me a ring in hopes that I'll look at it and remember His love, He wants to give me the ring when He knows I am already fully His. It was that day that I realized, I don't need another relationship, I already have the best relationship with the biggest romantic there is! And He is the only Love that will never let me down, and the only one that can truly satisfy my desires. 

Oh, How He Loves..

Hey guys! So lecture phase is over and I can't believe it! On Monday we will be starting week twelve, and prepping for stateside. I have no idea where these past eleven weeks went, but they definitely flew by. It's so crazy to think that we're already halfway done with DTS, but I'm SO excited for what's in store for stateside and outreach! Yesterday we learned the Everything drama and practiced it a few times. I have the part of the girl, so I'm super excited and nervous at the same time! I've never really performed anything before, let alone had a main part; but this drama is so incredible and impactful, I can't wait for our team to share it in Peru. We are still raising funds for outreach, and our group total went up another 5% since our last finance check, so now we only have 22% left to raise! It's due by next Friday, so if you would like to pray with us for God's provision in this, it would definitely be appreciated. :)
                                                           
                                                ~

So, it's been a while since I shared with you guys what God has been showing me personally. (This one will probably be a bit lengthy..sorry!) Over these past few weeks God has really been drawing me closer to Him, and it's been great! As I said in one of my earlier posts, I've had trouble in the past with being a good steward of my emotions. I've struggled with insecurities about my body image since I was pretty young; I would guess about eleven or twelve. I always felt big, especially when comparing myself to my friends. Although, looking back at pictures of myself from when I was twelve, I think I must have been crazy. To quote a meme I once found on Pinterest, "I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat." Haha, but anyway, I've always had a hard time accepting my body the way it is, and I never really felt like I was anything worth being noticed. So, whenever I would actually receive attention from a guy, (as Dean Sherman would say) I turned into an "emotional prostitute." It was hard to believe that someone might actually be interested in me; so needless to say, whenever I would receive attention from a guy, I didn't do a good job at guarding my heart. Although, it wasn't always that I needed to guard it from others, but sometimes I needed to guard it from myself. In my own mind and heart, I could be giving away my emotions to others, and they probably didn't even realize it. So throughout these past weeks, I've been struggling with guarding my emotions, and with loving myself the way Jesus loves me. 

In February my mom and I ran a half marathon, and because of that I had lost quite a bit of weight. I had reached my goal of 140 lbs., and felt like I finally looked "the way I should." I still wasn't quite the standard of skinny I would like to be, but I was getting there. Over the eleven weeks of being here in Kentucky it's been really hard to keep a consistent workout schedule. That being said, since I've been here I've gained back everything I lost while I was running, and when I weighed myself a few weeks ago I pretty much lost it. (I was almost upset that I had come here, because if I stayed home I could have kept my workout routine and I would probably be even skinnier by now, instead of back to square one.) Obviously the thoughts going through my mind at this moment were along the lines of "what's wrong with you? That's disgusting. Who would ever like you when you look like this?" I was partially mad at myself for gaining weight, and partially mad because I was getting so upset over something so petty. From that point my brain went into weight-loss mode, and I was gonna do everything I could to lose those pounds in the few weeks I had left until outreach - but then I realized something. In the midst of being so concerned with my body image, I was completely losing sight of everything important! How could I regret coming here for DTS?? Especially over something like this! YWAM has been life changing for me, and I was allowing the lies the enemy had told me through my insecurities to completely distract me from all of that! So after a few weeks of struggling to not cringe every time I see myself in the mirror, or every time I get dressed and my clothes don't fit quite the way I'd like them to anymore, God spoke to me this morning while I was on a walk. As I was thinking to myself "and I figured I'd LOSE weight here, considering I have to walk everywhere.." God said "and who says you needed to lose weight?" As I thought about it, I realized that it was just me. Me and today's society, that is. Then He told me how, to Him, I'm perfect. I am flawless, I am beautiful, and I am loved. He loves me just the way I am, and my true friends do too. They don't care if I've gained a little fluff ;) They love me for ME, not my carcass! Now obviously there is a way to be smart about my weight - it's not like I'm gonna eat quarts of ice cream and a whole sleeve of Oreos every night. But what does matter is my motivation - am I doing it solely to take care of this wonderful body God created, or am I doing it because I'm worried about what others think of me? Am I wanting to be healthy, or attract the wrong kind of attention? 

So that's a glimpse of what God's been speaking to me these past couple weeks! He's really been showing me His love for me, and winning my heart back from the things I had previously given it to. I love getting to fall more in love with Him everyday, and it's always fun to discover what He has in store for the next time! Not only has he begun to strip away the burden of my self-esteem issues, but He's helped me with my "emotional prostitution," and I now understand, in my heart as well as my mind, that He is the only one worth giving my heart to, because He is the only one who can fully be trusted with it. He will never do anything to hurt it, and He is the only one who can and will ALWAYS love me unconditionally. But that's a story I'll probably end up sharing later.. :)

Well, if you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me! Sorry it was so long! (And I sure hope it made sense. My thoughts were a bit scattered! Haha) 

Deputation!

Hey Everyone! Sorry it took me so long to post, this past week has been crazy busy! Two Thursdays ago, on May 29th, I flew home for a few days to meet up with people and talk about what's been going on here at YWAM, let them know what we'll be doing on outreach, and to talk about fundraising for Peru. I loved getting to see my family for a few days and hang out with my little sister! It was so great to get to catch up with my friends too! It was an extremely eventful five days, and it took just about this whole past week to recover and get my energy back - but it was worth it! Before I left for home, my team (totaled together) was 35% of the way to reaching our financial goal. I personally still needed to raise $3,690 for my part. Since I've been back in Kentucky, my class is now 59% of the way to our combined goal, and I personally only have $2,600 left to raise! Our second round of letters made it to their destinations, and in just a short amount of time (about a week) I gained $1,090 for Peru! The Lord is definitely providing for us, and it's so cool to see it happen! We still have a ways to go, but I know that God is faithful and that He will provide the rest of the finances we need to get to Peru! 

Perseverance!

Hey guys! So something crazy cool has been happening! This past week we learned about Spiritual Warfare with Dean Sherman. It's a really neat lesson and I'm learning a lot, but the super cool part is that a couple days into the lesson we realized that we were being faced with a spiritual battle! We sent out our second letters two weeks ago today, the letters telling people more about our mission trip to Peru. It should have only taken them about three days to arrive at their destinations, but so far only a few that have been sent out have actually been received. At first we just thought it seemed odd, but as we kept watching our videos on spiritual warfare we realized that this was two things : God putting our faith in His faithfulness to the test, but that it was also an attack from the enemy, trying to prevent our letters from reaching people. During intercession for our YWAM base at the conference two weeks ago, God gave someone the image of a bow and arrow. The tighter the bowstring, the more resistance there is when you have to pull it back; but the arrow will fly farther and with more accuracy to hit it's mark. So that makes sense, it lines up with God testing our faith! Another person heard that Peru would be good for the Peruvians, but that it would also be good for our team. So that also lines up with the attack from Satan - of course he doesn't want us going to Peru and changing lives (including our own)! He wants to do everything he can to prevent that. Someone else got that there would be a time of fasting at our base. Our leader Kristen wasn't at intercession that day at the conference, so when she mentioned that she felt maybe we should fast during lunch and pray about this the other afternoon, it was obviously no coincidence! Our class got together and prayed about it again last night, and asked the Lord what we should do next. We know that He will provide for this trip, but we also know that we can't just be lazy about it, we need to fight for this! So after praying about it, resisting the enemy and his works in this situation, and asking the Lord what our next steps to take were, we felt that He told us to reprint and send another round of letters. So that's just what we did!

About an hour ago I just got back from a jog around the neighborhood. It was hot and sunny this afternoon, and I've been out of my running routine for a few weeks now. Needless to say, it was more difficult than usual and I was tired! But every time I felt like saying "eh, that's enough. I'll just walk it now." I kept telling myself "one more mailbox. just make it past one more mail box!" As I was doing this it totally reminded me of this past week, and what we've learned through this whole experience with our letters. Yes, there will be times when we're tired of fighting and we feel like saying "eh, that's enough now," and we'll want to quit, but that's not what we should do! We need to keep fighting for it and take it one step at a time! Yes, God is always moving and working, but we need to do our part! God moves on behalf of our prayers! So we need to take action, and even when it seems to be getting too difficult we need to persevere!

So, this week I feel that God has definitely been teaching me about perseverance! I think it's really neat that as we're learning about spiritual warfare we get to put what we learn into practice, and I'm super excited to see what God has in store and how this all works out! :)

YWAM Conference 2014

So I just got back from North Carolina last night! Our DTS and SOMD went to the YWAM Charlotte base for a conference last week, and it was so much fun! The YWAM Nashville, Orlando, and New York bases were there too. I got to meet a bunch of cool people and hear a little about what God's been doing in their lives, so that was really neat. It also made me break out of my shell a little bit, because I had to introduce myself to new people! Haha. 

We had the privilege of hearing Paul Hawkins speak on The Character and Nature of God, and after that lesson I definitely have some processing to do this weekend! The nature of God is who God is that we cannot be (omnipotent, omnipresent, infinite, omnipresent..) and the character of God is who God is that we are to become (loving, forgiving, wise, holy, etc.) The teaching was titled "God is the Model," because we are supposed to be imitators of Christ! (Ephesians 5:1) There was a lot in this teaching that was more like review of what I had already learned in the previous six weeks of DTS, but God definitely spoke through a couple a of points! We've been learning a lot about relationship with God throughout DTS, and in order to be like Him we first need to have relationship with Him, so that was basically the overall point of the lesson. Without relationship with Him, we can't really know Him, therefore we can't become like Him. We can't trust Him, so we can't live by faith in Him. (That summary did the lesson no justice, but it's hard to wrap it up simply! It was such a great lesson.) But what really "punched me," as Paul put it, was when he said "the desire of your heart is what your thinking about when you're not thinking about anything." (Psalm 19:14) That one hurt, because I realized that what my heart has been desiring is not more of the Lord. I've been desiring things that will never be able to satisfy me, and I've been cheating myself of true joy and perfect satisfaction in my loving Father! I'm so glad that the Holy Spirit threw that one right in my face this past week, because I know I will be so much happier when I am free of that chain keeping me from a beautiful relationship with God! It's so exciting to look back and see how I've been growing in my relationship with Him more everyday! :)